Trump blames 'Fake News' for videotaping Trump calling Apple's Tim Cook 'Tim Apple'
In a meeting with top business executives last week, Donald Trump breezily referred to Apple chief executive Tim Cook as “Tim Apple.” It was moderately amusing, Cook changed his Twitter handle to Tim (Apple), and we all had a fifteen-second laugh before moving on with our lives.
But Donald Trump cannot admit error, ever, which is the reason to this day members of the White House continue to insist that “covfefe” is a real word with a meaning that will someday be discovered by historians, and won’t we all look silly for doubting him? By the time Trump arrived at Mar-a-Lago for a Republican donor party being held, once again, at Trump’s private club for the purpose of lining Trump’s own wallet, he was insisting that the incident had never happened, and that he had actually said “Tim Cook Apple” with such speed that perhaps our primitive video technology was unable to capture the moment.
Donald must have watched the actual video on teevee, though, because as of this morning the story had changed again. OK, maybe he did say Tim Apple, but there was punctuation in there that the Fake News doesn’t want you to know about.
At a recent round table meeting of business executives, & long after formally introducing Tim Cook of Apple, I quickly referred to Tim + Apple as Tim/Apple as an easy way to save time & words. The Fake News was disparagingly all over this, & it became yet another bad Trump story!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 11, 2019
The man’s ability to take any trivial story and pump it into a new explanation of his own genius, forever unheralded because everyone around him is too stupid to comprehend it, continues to impress. But Donald Tax Evasion has a reasonable point to make: It is certainly more efficient to refer to someone by first name and most noteworthy characteristic rather than including all the pointless middle bits. If we were all to follow Donald Sex Predator’s example, think of the productivity gains in the media alone: No longer would news anchors waste the public’s precious time with nonsense like “President Donald Trump at the White House today,” instead cutting to the chase with the terser “Donald Insurance Fraud” or “Donald Money Laundering.”
Donald Adultery may be wrong about many things, but the man has a knack for brushing off nuance in favor of velocity. Perhaps more of us should take Donald High Treason’s efficiency tips to heart.